Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
