I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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