Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
