Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
