So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He shit in the fireplace
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
