hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
