I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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