Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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