My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
