U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
