He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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