Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
home. puking in laundry basket.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
