well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize