yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
