I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
