I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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