I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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