i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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