You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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