Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
