There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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