i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
