Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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