Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
