I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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