I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
