I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
