i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
