Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.