Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I need moral support for this bender
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT