I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.