how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
