Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..