i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution