No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.