could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
