I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
