i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
