I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Drake has all the answers
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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