you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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