Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
