I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
