i would punch a child for taco bell
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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