Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
