glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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