In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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