she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
