I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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