Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
