May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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