if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
