We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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