i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My pussy is not your playground.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
