rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
