I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can't special order awesome
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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