And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
