I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
