I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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