I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
