theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
