using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
