Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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