Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
