Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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