Got a toothbrush?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
