I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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