A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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