I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
