I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
