I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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