i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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