just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
