I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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