I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
