she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
