What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
