fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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