I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
