Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What a dumb baby whore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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