he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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